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07 February 2021

I caused the pandemic . . .

. . . confessions of a person afflicted with OCD

On the workout bench, I finished 12 reps. Then this thought drifts into my mind: "You didn't do a complete 12 reps because the last one was kind of iffy and doesn't count". I have a strong need to do one more rep to make it right by doing a proper rep . . . but then I would have to do 4 reps, because 13 is a forbidden number, and because totals always have to be a multiple of 4. I sit back and take a few cleansing breaths to talk myself out of doing 4 more reps. "That is an obsession, let it flow away, do not do any more reps" is what I think to myself. This is my CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). But then I think . . . "but what if I don't make it right by doing 4 more reps, what if something terrible happens?" And then "that's just silly" but again . . . "I have been working on ignoring my obsessions for years, and what if my ignoring my obsessions has already led to something terrible . . . like the pandemic?"

Welcome to my world. Be glad - be ecstatic! - that you do not have OCD.